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Funny
A bus driver is on his way and sees a small yellow man standing at the side of the road who asks him to stop.
After the driver stopped, he said to the driver: "I'm a little gay dwarf and I'm hungry!" Well, the driver has a good heart and gives him something to eat.
He drives on. After two kilometers, a red dwarf stands and waves. The driver stops and the dwarf says, "I'm a little red dwarf and I'm thirsty!" The driver gives him something to drink and drives on.
A short time later, another man is standing by the road waving. The driver stops and asks: "Well, you little gay green dwarf, what about you, hungry --- thirsty ---?"
Good day, general traffic control - driver's license and vehicle registration documents please!
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A bus carrying ten people stops at a bus stop.
Eleven people get out!
Three scientists comment on the event:
A biologist said: "They must have reproduced along the way."
A physicist: "So what, a ten percent measurement tolerance has to be allowed."
A mathematician said: "If someone gets in now, there's no one else in."
A bus full of mentally ill people is driving on the highway.
After 50 km the bus breaks down, and the bus driver stops.
He gets out of the car and looks for the mistake.
Suddenly, one of the mentally ill people stands next to him and says:
"I know what's broken - oh dear"
Bus driver: "Get on the bus!" He continues searching for the mistake.
Suddenly the mentally ill man is standing in front of him again and says:
"I know what's broken - oh dear"
The bus driver says again: "Get on the bus!", and continues searching for the problem.
The mentally ill man stands before him again and says:
"I know what's broken - oh dear!"
The bus driver, uncontrollable: "What's broken?"
The mentally ill man: "The bus is broken - oh dear..."
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Bus driver suitability test
Question 1: If an old grandmother wants to board your bus, do the following:
A - They yell at her because she is so slow.
B - They are grumbling loudly to themselves about what a burden old people are on society.
C - They wait patiently until she is halfway in and then wedge her in the door.
Question 2: When you start moving from a bus stop, pay attention to...
A - to dent the car parked in front of you.
B - to cause confusion by using an incorrect flashing signal.
C - to cut off the path of as many drivers as possible.
Question 3: Which of the three methods is correct:
The names of the stops will be announced, ...
A - when the doors are already closed again.
B - so that nobody understands the street names.
C - whenever it suits you.
Question 4: Several passengers are standing on the bus. The traffic light has just turned red. How do you react?
A - They are still speeding across the intersection.
B - They brake so gently that they come to a stop in the middle of the intersection and block cross traffic.
C - You slam on the brakes, reminding your passengers to hold on tighter next time.
Question 5: Although the bus is completely full, a few more people want to get on! What do you do?
A - You encourage your passengers to push and shove.
B - They cheer up the people who are being crushed to death with sardine jokes.
C - They fart.
Question 6: Suppose there is a large puddle in front of the bus stop. How do you react?
A - Yes.
B - No.
Question 7: If your bus is blocking an intersection, you should...
A - Wait patiently, even if the others honk their horns loudly.
B - Honk even louder than the others.
Question 8: If it's raining, you should take the bus...
A - stop as far away from the protective roof as possible so that all boarding passengers get wet.
B - drive as close as possible to the bus stop, across the puddles that are on the side of the road.
C - don't stop at all.
Question 9: If a private car cuts you off, ...
A - overtake it and get your revenge.
B - Ram it from behind.
C - Inform your passengers via loudspeaker that the idiot is just a senior citizen.
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You are the bus driver.
You are traveling on a line that consists of 5 stations.
Fifteen people board at the first station.
Thirteen people board and 18 get off at the second stop.
Ten more people get off at the third stop.
At the fourth stop, 9 people get on and one gets off.
Four people get off at the fifth stop.
How old is the bus driver?
As old as you!!! Because you're the bus driver!
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One became a writer and the other a bus driver.
The writer says: "You know, I've become so famous now that I publish my works in six languages."
The bus driver replied dryly: "You're lucky, I've become so famous now, I pay alimony in six currencies..."
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A mother is riding the bus with her 6-year-old daughter.
Several prostitutes are standing at a bus stop, waiting for customers.
The daughter asks what the women are doing there, and the mother replies: “They are all women waiting for their husbands to come home from work.”
Then the bus driver turned around and said: “What kind of crap are you telling this child? These are prostitutes who fuck for money!”
The little girl asks: “Mommy, when they have sex, babies come, what happens to them?”
The mother replied: “Bus driver”.
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Queue...
"A young, pretty woman is standing in line at the bus stop. She's dressed in a very tight leather miniskirt, matching leather boots, and a leather jacket. The bus arrives, and it's her turn. As she tries to board, she realizes that the tight miniskirt prevents her from lifting her leg high enough for the first step. Although embarrassed, she smiles briefly at the bus driver and reaches behind her to unzip her miniskirt a little, hoping for more freedom of movement. Unfortunately, this isn't enough to lift her leg high enough. She reaches behind her again to unzip further, only to find she still can't reach the first step. She smiles at the bus driver once more and unzips the skirt a little further for the third time—to no avail; it remains too tight, and the first step is out of reach. Then, a man standing behind her in the queue grabs her by the hip and, grinning, lifts her onto the first step." Step. She is completely outraged and turns around: "How dare you touch me? I don't even know who you are!" To which he replies: "Normally I would agree with you. But after you've opened my pants three times now, I thought we were friends!"
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A clergyman and a bus driver arrive together at Heaven's Door, and Peter lets the bus driver in first.
The clergyman complains: "Why does the bus driver get to heaven before me?"
Peter replied: "While you were preaching, the people were asleep, but when the bus driver was driving, the people were praying!"
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"I don't want to go to school!"
"But you have to go to school!"
"The students don't like me, the teachers hate me, the janitor can't stand me, and the bus driver can't bear me."
"So, you're 45 years old now and the director - you have to go to school!"
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A man with an impressive wrestler's physique boards the same bus every morning. Before sitting down, he always says to the bus driver: "Big John rides without paying."
The scrawny bus driver finally got fed up with being treated that way. He started training with weights every day to build up some muscle.
A few months later, he finally feels up to the task. As usual, the man gets in and blurts out: "Big John drives without paying."
The bus driver bravely steps into his path and asks challengingly: "And why not?"
The answer comes promptly: "Because Big John has a monthly pass."
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The bus driver
So, good day, ladies and gentlemen.
Driver Georg Harthölter and his crew warmly welcome you aboard line 3 on our journey to the main train station.
The Kässbohrer Setra LongLine has 4 emergency exits, which are marked with a small hammer.
Under your seat you will find chewing gum residue, empty cola cans and used paper tissues.
We wish you a pleasant stay on board.
Reporter:
Following the collapse of the airline Stenkel-Air, the local employment office has managed to place all of the company's employees in local public transport.
I am currently standing here next to Georg Harthölter, who until a few days ago was traveling on the transatlantic route to New York, and now, after his retraining, serves the Blömkerallee-Hauptbahnhof route on bus line 3.
Mr. Harthölter, how are you coping with this change?
Hartholter:
Well, yes, partly yes, uh, on the one hand there are of course advantages, starting with the fact that the landing gear basically has constant contact with the ground, uh, here at a height of one and a half meters we usually have good visibility, little turbulence and in contrast to the North Atlantic crossing the time difference between Blömkerallee and Hauptbahnhof is pleasingly small.
Reporter:
Uh, uh, yes, that makes sense, Mr. Harthölter, but what about...
Haltholter:
Okay, uh, just a moment now:
Yes, I would like to welcome you once again here on board line 3.
My name is Georg Harthölter, I am your driver on this route. We have just left the Blömkerallee stop and are heading towards the main train station, and we will reach our cruising speed of 51 kilometers per hour in a few seconds.
The weather at the main train station is quite pleasant, with light cloud cover, a temperature of 17 degrees Celsius, and good visibility. The wind speed at ground level is around 8 knots from the southwest. Our estimated journey time is 6 minutes.
Reporter:
Are there any negative changes at your new workplace?
Harthölter:
Oh yes, you need a much higher level of concentration here, just think of the oncoming traffic, which comes much closer on this route than, say, on the Irish Sea or off Newfoundland, uh, and then there's the rather problematic radio communication, which is conducted in Low German and is difficult to understand, but this much I've gathered so far: "Ick wulliwat mit Landeklappen" probably means something like "Please don't drive IN, but TO the next waiting shelter."
Reporter:
Uh, yes, there have already been some irritations among commuters and schoolchildren because...
Harthölter:
Wait, wait, duty calls:
So, ladies and gentlemen, here's some more information for you from the driver's cab: we have just crossed the Bölterkamp; the gravel plant is clearly visible on the port side, the Hörmeyer textile house will soon come into view on the left, we will then head towards the Önkelstieg, skirt the Schmöllerheide to the east, pass the Sögelweg/Sottruper Landstraße intersection and will then reach the main train station in a wide left-hand curve via the Schmöllerdamm.
If you participate in our frequent traveler program "Station and back", you will be credited with 4 bonus kilometers for this route.
Reporter:
Uh, what I wanted to ask was, there was some irritation among the passengers who complained about your driving style as being somewhat inattentive...
Hartholter:
Well, that's quite a change!
This vehicle is called a bus, but the technology is obviously not as sophisticated as, say, an autopilot. If you just pour yourself a coffee or take a quick walk in the aisle, this thing immediately veers off course, scrapes the curb, or crashes into something else. It's a bit annoying, really. So, we're almost there, aren't we?
Reporter:
Uh, yeah.
Harthölter:
Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking again; we are now leaving our cruising speed and beginning our approach to the stop at the main train station.
We ask you to remain in your seats or hold on until the bus has reached its final parking position.
Georg Harthölter and his crew would like to say goodbye to you now; we thank you for traveling on line 3 and wish you a pleasant and relaxing stay at the main train station.
Reporter:
At this moment, Georg Harthölter checks the rearview mirror one more time, he puts on the right-hand turn signal, yes, the bus rolls smoothly into the bus stop and now comes to a somewhat jerky stop [clapping], and with that we hand back to the radio station.
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A woman boards a bus with her child in her arms.
The bus driver turns to the woman:
"My goodness! I've never seen such an ugly child!"
The woman stares at the bus driver in horror and, without saying a word, continues into the bus, eventually finding a seat next to an old lady.
"I'd give him a piece of my mind!" the old lady said to the mother. "Go back to the front and tell that lout what you think!"
"I'll hold your monkey for you!"
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A bus driver drives his bus through a red light. He is stopped by a young, eager policewoman.
Police officer: Driver's license, please. You just crossed the intersection against a red light.
driven!
Bus driver: Really?!? I don't have a driver's license!
Policewoman: Then give me the vehicle registration certificate!
Bus driver: I don't have one either!
Policewoman: Why don't you check the storage compartment up top?
Bus driver: I don't need to look in there. It only contains my 9mm revolver!
Policewoman: Excuse me?
Bus driver: My weapon...!
Policewoman: Open the trunk!
Bus driver: I don't have to. My girlfriend's the only one in there. I shot her 10 minutes ago!
The policewoman alerts the criminal investigation department and additional patrol cars.
The head of the criminal investigation department goes to the bus driver: driver's license,
Vehicle registration certificate!
The driver hands over both documents without a word.
Thank you, now please hand me the weapon with your left hand.
Storage compartment!
Bus driver: What weapon? There are only my first-aid kits in there!
The driver opens the storage compartment and it really only contains the first aid kits.
Incident commander: Show me the body in the trunk!
Bus driver: Corpse?!? There's only my cleaning supplies and a little luggage in there!
The driver gets out, opens the trunk, and it really only contains cleaning supplies as well as a few bags and suitcases.
Detective: Well, I don't understand that, my colleague said she
They have a revolver in the storage compartment and a corpse in the trunk!?
Bus driver: Yeah, yeah...that chick also claimed I drove through the intersection on a red light.
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A nun is sitting on a bus.
A hippie comes along and sits down next to her.
Finally, the hippie asks: "Excuse me, would you like to have sex?"
The nun: "No, I cannot do that, I am a servant of God!"
The hippie doesn't give up and tries a second time, but again she refuses.
The hippie gets off at the bus stop, the bus driver grabs him and says: "If you want to bang this nun, then I'll give you a tip!"
Every evening at 10:00 PM she goes to the cemetery and prays!
The hippie thanks the bus driver and follows his advice.
At 10:00 PM he arrives at the cemetery dressed in Jesus' robes and sees the nun praying.
He steps in front of her and shouts: "I am Jesus and I have received a command from God to take you!"
The nun looked up in surprise and said: "If you really are Jesus and God has commanded you to do this, then take me, but please from behind, so that you don't have to look at my head."
After 5 minutes of wild antics, the hippie tears off his Jesus robes and shouts: "Gotcha, I'm the hippie!"
The nun then tears off her robes and shouts: "Fooled you, I'm the bus driver!"
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An elderly lady boards an almost empty bus and sits directly behind the driver.
After some time, she leans forward and asks the bus driver:
"Excuse me, would you like a nut?"
The bus driver answers in the affirmative and the elderly lady puts a nut in the bus driver's mouth.
After some time, the question is repeated, and the bus driver eats a few more nuts.
Arriving at the last stop, the lady wants to get off, and the bus driver asks why she always offered him the nuts one by one. The elderly lady replies, nibbling away:
"I absolutely love eating Toffifee, but the nuts are just too hard for me!"
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An old grandmother gives her bus driver a handful of chopped nuts every morning when she goes into town.
One day the bus driver asked the grandma: "Why do you give me a handful of nuts every day?"
Grandma replied: "Oh, you know, I love eating Ferrero Küsschen so much and I can't chew the nuts anymore..."
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A train station is where the train stops..
A bus station is where the bus stops..
I have a workstation.....
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Two elderly ladies are standing at the bus stop in Munich's East Cemetery, waiting for the bus.
One of them - armed with lipstick and a pocket mirror - is busily applying makeup to her lips.
The other one asks: "How old are you?"
Answer: "I am 72."
"Why are you asking?"
To which the first one replied: "Well, that you still bother to get so dressed up!?"
The counter-question didn't take long to come: "And how old are you?" The older woman's croaky reply: "I'm 92."
To which the woman in makeup replied: "Well, that you're even going home at all..."
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Two bus drivers, friends, make a pact that if one dies, he will try to contact the other. Several years later, this happens. About two weeks after the funeral, the surviving bus driver wakes up in the night. The bedroom is brightly lit, and his friend is standing before him. After a long conversation, the surviving bus driver asks if there are bus routes in heaven. "Yes," says the other. "How's driving?" asks the surviving bus driver again. "Oh, very good, no problems with the schedules, everything's free, no complaining passengers, everything's great." "That's wonderful," says one again. "Yes," says the other bus driver, "but I have some bad news for you!" "What is it?" "Starting Monday, you'll be on our shift schedule!"
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Haven't you always wondered what that almost unpalatable genetic cocktail of a bus driver might be made of?
We investigated in more detail and formed our own thoughts about a species that, despite much knowledge, continues to pose new riddles:
The average bus driver is short and chubby. He usually possesses the good humor and thick skin of an Australian devil monkey, which nothing can shake.
Approximately 197 types of bus drivers have been identified worldwide. Visual differences exist in some cases, for example between Nigerian and Danish bus drivers.
However, upon closer inspection, it becomes clear that all bus drivers in the world share the characteristic of being profoundly powerful and somehow dominant.
Ah, so you're not just a person with a sense of humor who loves satire, funny pictures and jokes, no, you're also one of those curious downward scrollers.
Interesting.
Okay, we've noted it.
Okay, now let's march, march back to the top or to the latest humor on the front page.
This often manifests itself in adventurous pranks, which we do not want to reproach him for further, as it seems to be a matter of lust that is no longer mentally controllable, but rather of a much deeper underlying drive.
So we must accept this and hope for a period of perfectionism in our evolution.
Are we all condemned until then to be clumsy hostages to the unpredictable feats of strength performed by diminutive men at enormous steering wheels? The answer must be: YES!
We have no chance there.
The Czech chauffeur will continue to start the 1940s diesel engine and leave the doors open before the journey begins. And he will finish his cheap cigarette even after all the passengers have boarded.
The Danish bus driver will continue to drive past the German-looking school class at the side of the road.
And take a different route around it in two hours.
Ah, so you're not just a person with a sense of humor who loves satire, funny pictures and jokes, no, you're also one of those curious downward scrollers.
Interesting.
Okay, we've noted it.
Okay, now let's march, march back to the top or to the latest humor on the front page.
In Jamaica, the driver will continue to make a quick stop for ganja harvesting on the bumpy, sandy roads, reserving four seats for boomboxes and keeping his passengers entertained with reggae karaoke. And our local counterpart will still manage to time the perfect moment to slam the door in your face.
He will constantly slam on the brakes at every traffic light and have an inner orgasm every time the bus is overcrowded, so he can then turn the heating up to full blast.
Dear bus passengers, we simply have to accept all of this.
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Ticket inspection on the bus.
A grandmother shows her card.
Madam, that's a child's ticket you have there.
That shows you how long I've been waiting for the bus.
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A man limps onto a bus.
The friendly bus driver supports him and takes him to his seat.
He asks: "What can I do for you?"
"Oh, they could put my left leg in the opposite seat."
"The bus driver does this and asks: "Is there anything else I can do for you?"
"Yes, you can put my other leg up too."
"The bus driver does that too."
"Could you also put a pillow behind my back?"
"The bus driver does the same and then says: 'I don't mean to be pushy, but what's wrong with you?'"
"The passenger sighed and replied: "Vacation!"
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An Austrian man applies for a job as a bus driver with the Vienna public transport company. "You'll be driving a city bus, so you'll have to drive and collect fares!" "No problem," replies the Austrian, "I can manage that!" The next day he starts work. Just half an hour later, he reappears at his boss's office and confesses that the bus has been in an accident and is completely wrecked. The boss is shocked: "But, sir, how did that happen?" "I have no idea," replies the new employee, "I was just collecting fares in the back!"
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OUR DAILY PRAYER
Our bus
Whether you are in the workshop or traveling,
Hallowed be thy gearbox,
Your passengers are coming,
Increase your speed,
Like with the speedometer,
The same applies to the tachograph.
Give us this day our daily ticket,
And forgive us our switching errors,
Like us
Forgive your diesel consumption,
And lead us not into ditches
But bring us safely to our destination,
For every street is yours
And the bus stop
For eternity.
Amen.
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Locksmith Marcel, Master Galisch, and our boss, Mr. Andrich, are busy polishing our fleet of vehicles. Under the exhaust pipe of one of the buses, they find a magic lamp.
They rub them and a spirit appears who says:
"Each of you has one wish."
Our locksmith Marcel shouts: "Me first! I want to be in California, cruising from beach to beach in an awesome vintage car, enjoying the sunset. Never work again! Never worry again!"
And just like that - he's gone.
"Now me," shouts our master Galisch.
"I want to be in the Caribbean with the prettiest girl in the world and exotic cocktails."
And just like that - he's gone too.
"And now to you," the spirit says to our managing director, Mr. Andrich.
"I want those two idiots back in the office after lunch."
And the moral of the story: Always let the boss speak first!
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A passenger taps the bus driver on the shoulder to ask him something.
The driver shouts loudly, loses control of the vehicle, narrowly misses another bus, shoots across the sidewalk and comes to a stop just centimeters from a shop window.
For a few seconds everything is silent, then the bus driver says: "Please never, ever do that again! You scared me to death."
The passenger apologized: "I had no idea that you would be so startled by a tap on the shoulder."
"It's not really your fault," the driver said.
"Today is my first day as a bus driver. For the last 25 years I drove a hearse."
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On the bus, a passenger points out to an elderly lady that she has left a package behind. "Don't worry about it," she says, "that's my husband's breakfast. He works in the lost and found."
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A bus salesman buys a 15-piece jigsaw puzzle. After three weeks, he finishes it and calls his friend: "I solved the puzzle in three weeks. That's a really great time."
The friend says: "Why top time? Others can do it in three minutes."
The bus salesman said: "Oh, you don't really believe that yourself. It even says so on the packaging: three to four years!"
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A bus company owner bought a new bus. He got in, floored the accelerator, and crashed into a tree. He woke up in the hospital and looked around. Next to him lay a man from Kenya.
The bus company owner said admiringly: "Wow, that thing really takes off! Even in Africa!"
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A bus driver is traveling in Egypt with a new bus and is crossing a bridge over the Nile. The driver has to swerve to avoid a camel, and the entire vehicle, along with the driver and passengers, falls into the river.
The driver looked around, panicking about how he was going to save all his passengers. Then he saw a crocodile swimming towards him. He exclaimed, "This emergency service is amazing! I didn't even know they had Lacoste lifeboats!"
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Man to bus driver: "Can you tell me the fastest way to get to the cemetery?"
"Sure! Just lie down in front of my bus!"
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Buses on the route between Hanley and Bagnal in Staffordshire, England, regularly drive past waiting passengers without stopping. In response to complaints, Councillor Arthur Cholerton explained that if the buses stopped to let passengers on, they would be unable to keep to the timetable.
(From the book: It Can Always Get Worse by Laurence J. Peter)
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The bus driver's 10 rules
1. ALWAYS drive 20 km/h slower than the speed limit. (Your passengers will surely want to enjoy the view.)
2. Approach traffic lights (which are still green) extra slowly, hoping they will turn red again. (This gives you time to find the accelerator pedal...)
3. Don't take your usual route. (And take your passengers to places they've never been before.)
4. Really put your foot down when your (older) passengers are in the aisle. (It's fun and lifts their spirits: only flying is better.)
5. Stop at every stop, even if no one wants to get on or off. (Perhaps some passengers will then reconsider getting off and making a run for it...)
6. Don't stick to your schedule and always arrive about 5-10 minutes late. (This demonstrates your creativity.)
7. Open the doors in good time to get out... and close them again early. (That way you'll get a little thinner on the sides!)
8. Don't announce the next stop. (After all, passengers have eyes in their heads too.)
9. It's best to send the ticket inspectors through the aisles when it's packed. (That way you get to know each other better...)
10. If you happen to be on time, keep it that way, and therefore don't let anyone else on, no matter how much they beg at the door. (After all, the passenger was 10 seconds late.)
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A bus driver stands perplexed in front of an underpass. His vehicle is just a few millimeters too high. A passerby comes along and advises the bus driver: "You just need to let some air out of the tires, then you'll get through the underpass without any problems!" Grumbles the bus driver: "Yeah, right, I'm missing millimeters at the top, not at the bottom..."
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Two friends are talking. One says: "I've always dreamed of driving a big car and having lots of money in my pocket!"
"So? Has the dream come true?"
"Yes, I am a bus driver!"
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A passenger is about to board a bus, holding a bag of fries in one hand and a currywurst in the other.
The bus driver then said: Hey, the bus isn't a dining car!!!!!
Passenger's reply: I know, that's why I brought my own food!!
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Midsummer heat on the bus: The passengers are grumbling loudly. The bus driver says: "If there's no quiet now, I'm going to turn on the heating..."
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Why are typical East Frisian buses only 2 meters long but 12 meters wide? Because everyone wants to sit next to the bus driver.
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On the tour bus – on the way to Spain – a couple was sitting behind me, and the man had been trying to lock the armrest in place for quite some time. He kept forcefully raising and lowering it, and it creaked every time. It was getting annoying. Suddenly he asked me, “Could you perhaps tell me how to lock these armrests?”
To which I replied, completely exasperated: “Yes, with feeling!”
Amid the sudden giggling of the other passengers, his wife called out: “See, I always say you have no feeling in your bones!”
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The Borussia Dortmund team bus is on its way to the away game in Gladbach. Suddenly, an underpass appears in front of them. The bus driver brakes hard and stops. "What a stupid thing. Only 3.10 meters clearance!" Andy Möller says: "So what, just drive through, or do you see the police?"
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Top ten signs that your bus driver is a bit too old:
10. If you buy a ticket from him, he says: "That'll be three Reichsmarks... uh... D-Marks."
9. Has a portable television in his driver's cab so he can watch "Derrick" while driving.
8. He wears his hat while driving and drives half the distance with the handbrake on.
7. Calls Liz Taylor a "young stunner"
6. He tells the whole bus about his prostate over the intercom.
5. Every time he brakes at red lights, his dentures fall out of his mouth.
4. You think you recognize him as the guy who lit the Olympic flame in Atlanta.
3. He beats up all the fare dodgers with his walking stick.
2. Announces almost three-quarters of all stops with "Next stop: I forgot."
...and the number one sign that your bus driver is a bit too old: He simply gets off at the "retirement home" stop.
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A bus driver was driving backwards up a mountain. A policeman stopped him and asked, "Why are you driving backwards up the mountain?" The bus driver replied, "Well, you might not be able to turn around at the top." That evening, he was driving backwards back down the mountain, and the policeman asked, "Why are you driving backwards again?" The bus driver replied, "You could turn around up there..."
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Little Fritz is sitting on the bus and sees the word "whore" on a poster.
Grandma, what is a whore?
A bus driver!
Then he sees the word condom-
Grandma, what is a condom?
A ticket!
And then his eyes spot the word "puff".
Grandma, what is a brothel?
A bus stop!
The next morning, on the bus ride to school:
Hey whore, give me a condom and let me out at the next brothel!
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What else are bus drivers called? Tie truckers!
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At a class reunion, two old school friends are chatting. One of them says:
"I always dreamed of driving a big car and having a lot of money in my pocket."
The other person asks, intrigued:
"So, did your dream come true?"
"Yes, I am a bus driver!"
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Franzi says to the neighbor's son:
"My dad drives a really big car and always has his pockets full of money."
To which the neighbor's son replied: "My father is also a bus driver."
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On the bus. One passenger is completely exasperated.
"Can't you move along a little faster?" he snapped at the bus driver.
“I could,” he replied calmly, “but I’m not allowed to leave the bus!”
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A man gets on a bus and asks the driver, "Does this bus go to the main train station?" The driver doesn't react. The man asks again, "Do you go to the main train station?" Again, no reaction. Annoyed, the man gets off the bus, and it drives off. A passenger asks the driver, "Why didn't you answer the man?" The driver replies, "Do you think I want a punch in the face?"
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Ulrike is taking her children on a bus trip. She asks the bus driver, "Do I have to pay for the children too?" He replies, "Not for children under six!" Ulrike, relieved, says, "Good, I only took two!"
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Class 6b is on a field trip to Paris. One student from 6b sits next to the bus driver and asks silly questions, such as, "If your mother were a dog and your father a cat, what would you be?" The bus driver replies, "I don't know, I think catdog." When they arrive in Paris, the bus driver asks, "If your mother were a prostitute and your father a pimp, what would you be?" The boy answers, "A school bus driver."
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A man is sitting on a bus reading statistics about births and deaths in a book. Suddenly he turns to a woman: "Did you know that with every breath I take, a person dies?" The woman replies: "Interesting, but have you ever tried it with toothpaste?"
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Bus driver to passenger: "Don't you want to sit down?" – "No, I'm in a hurry!"
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A bus driver and a bishop are already in paradise; however, the bishop only has a dark, damp apartment in the basement, while the bus driver lives in a lavish villa. The bishop cautiously asks Peter if this isn't some mistake. Peter consults his wise book: "No, everything is fine. Look, people fell asleep during your sermons, but everyone prayed during the bus driver's sermon!"
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The bus journey is often an experience,
albeit with a frightening result.
Because the driver drives so wildly,
He almost killed himself.
Once he drove through a fence,
and immediately afterwards to a tree.
Fortunately, no one was injured.
But he made a stupid face.
Scratches, dents and also damage,
just like roadside ditches.
This driver can handle anyone.
a real fight for survival.
He has already caused so many accidents,
that nobody dared to get on the bus anymore.
But lo and behold, someone gets in.
He must be very brave.
He probably hasn't heard yet either,
that the driver destroys every bus.
Because it is already generally known,
This driver is completely brain-dead.
But finally, even after an apology,
The driver receives his notice of termination.
Now the streets are quiet again.
and never again any marks on the lawn.
